The Intimacy Test

What's your wisdom score when it comes to boyfriends?

No matter where you are in relationship: whether you're in one now, contemplating the next one, or even if you've recently "graduated" through one… take this test to see where you score on the intimacy scale

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Respond from 1 to 5 where "1" is least agreement with the statement and "5" is most agreement with the statement.

1 • My partner would describe me as his best friend.
1    2    3    4    5   
2 • My partner and I have good sex.
1    2    3    4    5   
3 • My partner and I have frequent sex.
1    2    3    4    5   
4 • I feel loved.
1    2    3    4    5   
5 • He feels loved.
1    2    3    4    5   
6 • My partner would tell me if he had sex outside the relationship, but only if I asked him.
1    2    3    4    5   
7 • My partner would volunteer to me that he'd had sex outside the relationship.
1    2    3    4    5   
8 • If asked, I would tell my partner if I had outside sex.
1    2    3    4    5   
9 • I would inform my partner if I had sex outside the relationship whether or not he asked.
1    2    3    4    5   
10 • I'm thankful that we're together.
1    2    3    4    5   
11 • Our friends would say we have a solid relationship.
1    2    3    4    5   
12 • We have an intimate relationship.
1    2    3    4    5   
13 • My partner would say we have an intimate relationship.
1    2    3    4    5   
14 • I treat my partner with courtesy and respect.
1    2    3    4    5   
15 • My partner would not be jealous if I mentioned how attractive another man is.
1    2    3    4    5   
16 • I would not be jealous if my partner mentioned how attractive another man is.
1    2    3    4    5   
17 • I love my partner very much.
1    2    3    4    5   
18 • If I had to make a career relocation, my partner would join me without a doubt.
1    2    3    4    5   
19 • If my partner had to make a career relocation, I would join him without a doubt.
1    2    3    4    5   
20 • My partner likes me and we're friends.
1    2    3    4    5   
21 • I like my partner and we're friends.
1    2    3    4    5   
22 • The intimacy we share is sweet and regular.
1    2    3    4    5   
23 • If something terrible happened to me, I think my partner would stick it out and see me through it.
1    2    3    4    5   
24 • If something terrible happened to my partner, I would stick it out and see him through it.
1    2    3    4    5   
25 • My partner is more important to me than our social or material life.
1    2    3    4    5   
26 • I am more important to him than our social and material life.
1    2    3    4    5   
27 • My partner treats me with courtesy and respect
1    2    3    4    5   
28 • My partner and I have a current agreement regarding outside sexual activity and we abide by it. (It does not matter what the agreement is.)
1    2    3    4    5   
29 • I can count on my partner to pull his weight.
1    2    3    4    5   
30 • My partner can count on me to pull my weight.
1    2    3    4    5   
31 • My partner knows how I feel about drinking and drug use.
1    2    3    4    5   
32 • My partner isn't afraid to tell me what he thinks about my drinking or drug use.
1    2    3    4    5   
33 • I characterize our sex life ….
Non Existent   OK   Just Right   Very Satisfying   Great  
34 • My partner would characterize our sex life as …
Nonexistent    OK    Just Right    Very Satisfying    Great   
35 • My partner deeply values our relationship.
1    2    3    4    5   
36 • I deeply value our relationship.
1    2    3    4    5   
37 • We're married and have had a commitment ceremony, or a civil union____
1    2    3    4    5   
38 • We plan to be married or a have commitment ceremony or civil union____
1    2    3    4    5   
39 • I don't hesitate to share my deepest feelings with him, even the sensitive stuff____
1    2    3    4    5   
40 • I respect my partner and our relationship reflects that.
1    2    3    4    5   
41 • My partner respects me and our relationship reflects that_____
1    2    3    4    5   
42 • My partner can tell me the truth about his deepest feelings without my getting upset.
1    2    3    4    5   
43 • My partner is loyal to me.
1    2    3    4    5   
44 • I'm loyal to my partner.
1    2    3    4    5   
45 • We like to hold hands.
1    2    3    4    5   
46 • We touch a lot.
1    2    3    4    5   
47 • My partner likes it when I approach him for sex.
1    2    3    4    5   
48 • I like it when my partner approaches me for sex.
1    2    3    4    5   
49 • I believe that my partner will still be with me in 3 years.
1    2    3    4    5   
50 • My partner has expressed that he hopes to be with me for a long time.
1    2    3    4    5   
51 • My partner is unconditionally supportive of me.
1    2    3    4    5   
52 • I'm unconditionally supportive of my partner.
1    2    3    4    5   
53 • If I were to tell my partner that I needed to leave the relationship, he would react
with anger, vengeance and reprisal   
anger and grief   
grief and shock   
deep disappointment and acceptance   
understanding and support after processing the pain   
54 • If my partner were to tell me that he needed to leave the relationship, I would react
with anger, vengeance and reprisal   
anger and grief   
grief and shock   
deep disappointment and acceptance   
understanding and support after processing the pain   
55 • Relief  would describe my partner's reaction if I told him I were leaving the relationship.
Very true    True    Somewhat true    Not very true    Not true at all   
56 • Relief  would describe my reaction if my partner told me he were leaving the relationship.
Very true    True    Somewhat true    Not very true    Not true at all   
57 • My partner shares his sexual fantasies with me.
1    2    3    4    5   
58 • I can share my sexual fantasies with my partner.
1    2    3    4    5   
59 • I have a secret life on the web as it relates to men or porn
Very true    True    Somewhat true    Not very true    Not true at all   
60 • My partner has a (not so) secret life on the web as it relates to men or porn
Very true    True    Somewhat true    Not very true    Not true at all   
61 • My partner is my best friend.
1    2    3    4    5   
62 • My partner would say I'm his best friend
1    2    3    4    5   
63 • I can tell my partner my real life feelings without expecting anger or disrespect in response
1    2    3    4    5   
64 • My partner can tell me his real life feelings without expecting anger or derision in response.
1    2    3    4    5   

While there is no statistically valid measure of a relationship's level of intimacy, this test is designed to provoke thought around our approach to truthfulness and measure emotional ease and/or tension in a relationship.



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